Yes, it's true. We visited Branson Missouri on our alien tour across America. Does this deserve an entire page? We didn't even take any pictures while we were there. Here's my notes from the trip:

Branson, Missouri, is a phenomenon all it's own., in the Ozarks of Missouri, just a hop skip and a jump from another special destination, Eureka Springs. Eureka Springs has been called the Switzerland of the Ozarks. The town boomed at the turn of the century when well-heeled Europeans flocked to the healing spas, built over the burbling springs. There are an abundance of eccentric artists, crafts people who visited Eureka Springs and never left. Several years ago I had visited and was impressed and thought it would be a good place to see again, so we did a slight diversion and got off the main freeway in Oklahoma, and headed for the hills. Here is a site with a bit of traveler info There is some history here.

			In the summer, the Passion Play is packed. We didn't get tickets.
	Eureka Springs, built in the hills, lots of winding and steep paths, roads and staircases to explore . . .

Our entry into Eureka Springs was a bit tarnished because we were followed by a busybody who didn't like our bumper stickers. We had a reservation at a hotel, but having trouble finding it, we made a couple wrong turns. This guy was definitely following. Then we pulled into the hotel and he followed us to the back parking lot and rolled down his window. I rolled down my window, slightly worried since it was late at night -- he asked if there was anything wrong. We said no, and he left. We checked in, and then went to get some beer and wine to bring back to the hotel. On our return we were followed again, this time by a police car, which then flashed us as we turned in, soon to be joined by another police car. They detained us for 20 minutes right in the hotel parking lot, running us through their computer. I said, "This is a fine welcoming committee to Eureka Springs..." They were humorless.

By the time we finished with the police in Eureka Springs, and wound down, it was really late. Nik was not liking Eureka Springs very much, but I assured him that it was really a cool place.

[This was the second run-in with cops that day, having been stopped in Oklahoma for speeding, less than a mile from the Arkansas border. I saw a sign for restaurants (boy I was getting really hungry) and my foot got heavy; I hadn't noticed the stealth police car decloaking as I sped past him. He said, "You were going 75, and that would have not gotten my attention, but then you passed me and sped up to 85..." We had one of the worst meals ever at a Pizza Hut. Never order pasta in Pizza Hut. It's heart attack material. We were just behind a tornado, could see the remains of the clouds, and it was nearly dark, and although it didn't look far on the map, the roads curves around the Ozark mountains for hours.... ]

The next day we wandered around Eureka Springs, and everyone was so friendly. We mentioned the incident to local merchants who were shocked and wondered who it could have been. We found a few treasures in the shops, had a great lunch, and decided to get out of town before the Blues Festival and head for Branson. We were beginning to think we should stop dawdling and get to our gig in St. Louis.

In Branson the stars may not necessarily be stars anywhere else, but here they have their own state of the art amphitheatres, complete with laser light shows, production numbers to rival broadway. There are some household names, but most I had not heard of. The stars were also clearly visible in the summer night sky, untainted by smog, fog

We arrived late in the day and wondered if we would find place to stay. We opted for the first divey looking motel on the outskirts of town, although there certainly would have been room at any of the numerous inns. We just wanted to shower and go to dinner and see a show. We lucked out and got into the Shoji Tabuchi show, which is apparently often sold out. His show included Taiko drummers, and his stunning virtuosity on the violin in a variety of musical numbers. The average audience member was between 65-70 -- retired folk brought in by the busloads to spend their holidays going from show to show.. The bathrooms were the main topic of conversation in the lobby. "Have you seen the bathrooms yet?" Of course we had to go... Apparently there is a pool table in the men's room. Women were taking pictures of their travelling companions sitting on the plush chairs in the bathrooms -- chandeliers, hosts, attendants. Definitely overdone, but worth the visit.

After the show, we got lost for 45 minutes trying to get back to our hotel, fell into a time-warp loop where all roads led back to the auditorium.

This booming industry has brought a lot of New York types out to the hills -- they need their cappucinos and health food if they're going to perform two shows a day, everyday, for an entire season. So we were able to find a decent breakfast.

I'm now having Branson fantasies. Imagine having your very own state of the art auditorium, complete with crew, lights, brilliant sound system, laser show, never having to go on the road, but the audience comes to you. The perfect installation, where the sound could be perfected, the lights right. None of this worrying about whether everything will be set up right on the night. that's for the crew to worry about. A gospel choir, a chorus line, a pit full of musicians. Ah, you'd be set for life. Sorta like what Celine Dione is doing in Las Vegas. She apparently signed a five year contract to have her very own auditorium in Las Vegas.

Maybe this could be the wave of the future. Maybe in twenty years we'll all be saying, "Hey remember the bad ole days when bands actually went on the road?" "Yeah wasn't that stupid, just have the audience get in a bus and go on the road to come see you makes so much more sense." Could there ever be "Rock City USA" a place where rock acts have their own auditoriums, instead of touring? Somehow I doubt it, since the audience demographic is so much different. Seventy year olds just don't have the same urges as 18-35's who are definitely a bit more difficult to police. And rock and pop is so fashion oriented, whereas country has a more lasting kind of quality. Or perhaps there could be "Rock Strip" in Branson, so families have more choices?

I'm imagining our show now. We'd have a troupe of modern dancers, African drummers, a violin section; Nik could have his techno-rock orchestrals performed by a small symphony whilst dancers wow the audience, swing from rafter, drums pop down from the ceilings, lasers beam animated aliens. I could sing several numbers every show, which wouldn't be too tiring, and we'd be part of the "house band", and we'd invite the most interesting musical acts as warm up. Crimson is recording in Nashville? Hey come on over guys! Hey, if we pulled out half the seats, there could be a dance floor, and for the second half of the show, audience members could dance in an interactive space installation, where their actions might affect the outcome. Oh what money could buy. Dream on. The trick would be not to get stale, doing two shows a day for six months. We could get up in the morning and rehearse a new number for next weeks show, go have our cappucinos and organic food, and live in Branson for six months. whoops. Now, there's the rub. But hey, with all our money we could buy a house in Santa Barbara and winter there.

Ah yes, no more lugging our gear to the truck to the club to the truck and back again (several thousand pounds of stuff, some of it heavy). No more shitty PA's, beer swilling drunks who love you for an hour or two, a couple more CD sales which hasn't put much of a dent in the five boxes sitting in the hall. No more, "Sorry you didn't fill your quota, so you don't get paid, hope you had a good time". No more pay to play. No more renting trucks, seeing the world with "bus face"....

Better yet, just get a holograph, perform once, and update it regularly like a web page, and project it where ever audiences are willing to pay. Collect royalties, and go play on the beach. HA! Now that would get old. I'm too much a fan of dark windowless rooms with artificial light and sound systems. Ah, but what a great fantasy.

I love Branson!

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