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"I'm civilized I eat with a fork." from the second page of the Little Savage "This is NOT a Cookbook".
I want to talk about the "F" words. Totally essential for life as we know it to continue (which it may not if we continue as we are)
I'm talking about Food and Forks and their place in civilization. We need our nourishment and our utensils (a komputer might be considered a sophisticated utensil). These are important things. Like, for example: Forking Etiquette, which fork should I use? What is forking? Mind forking? Biforkation? Forking around. I'll show you what forks are for. Fork you very much, thank you (Polite way to say "Fork you too"). And then there is food. Food for thot, recreational food, fast food, fine food, consume, consume. . . . say this word 50 times: "fork,fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork. . ." What kind of animal sounds like that? Perhaps a lesser striped New York Yellow Cab driver. Ok, I'll stop with the stream of consciousness BS now.
But really, what I REALLY want to talk about is civilisation, or our lack of it. More specifically, our ridiculous stances on behaviors, such as sex, drugs and rock n roll.
Is it anybody's business but your own if you imbibe alcohol? It is only somebody's business if you over-imbibe and start to make a nuisance of yourself. Then it could be called a medical problem, and you can seek help or continue to medicate yourself in the privacy of your own world. Cigarette smoke, marijuana and crack smoke however can inflict themselves on others -- therefore, it should be done only in the company of those who wish to also imbibe (a crack house, a smokers bar, a hash bar, an opium den, etc.). And if you cannot maintain, and it becomes a medical problem, then you should be able to seek help. Is it anybody's business but those involved if there is sex between consenting adults? Only if it becomes a medical problem like sexually transmitted diseases, or pregnancy. Then is that pregnancy anybody's business but the originators? I think NOT. Keep your laws off my forking body pullleeease!!!! And what about censorship and music? Who is going to tell us to make our music palatable for the masses, just to keep the shareholders, lawyers and accountants happy?
However, no matter how much money you throw at something, it doesn't always sell. We the masses, we the consumers of America can vote with our pockets. Look at Huffington, a man with nearly bottomless funding, who could not get re-elected as a Republican in spite of himself. (And now he's a Democrat and Gay) Look at Perot, with all his money monied friends and advisors, people just did not like his ears. . . .There IS hope. And it is US, WE, not THEM. We are the only ones who can make anything change.
Back to Drugs: The current policy of the war on drugs is uncivilized. Anyone who agrees with the current policy on drugs has to be (a) ignorant or (b) making money from it. If you can give me a reasonable reason to believe otherwise, send it to us.
I do not use drugs. (If that's what you're thinking after reading the above), except maybe chocolate and coffee.
Now, back to Forks. I am obsessing about forks as a symbol of civilisation. I have several paintings to prove this. "If God had wanted us to use forks, he wouldn't have created us with hands," said one German priest. "It is the devil's pitchfork." God, these forking religious fanatics! Like, the religious right trying to institute a new American theocracy and push their forking hypocritical "morals" down our throats.
The fork did not come into widespread use until the 1700's. I am para-quoting from "An Underground Education" by Richard Zacks, a must-read for anyone who wants to know about such things as the toilet training of the human race, Pope Leo XIII advertising cocaine-laced wine in the 1880's, how Thomas Edison secretly helped develop the electric chair and wanted it named after George Westinghouse, the creator of the ice-pick lobotomy being rewarded postumously, and much much more. There's even relevant stuff in there about past presidential sexual indescretions.
We are a self-censored (not to mention self-centered) society, feeding upon and spoon fed by the mass hallucinations we call culture, media, and civilisation. My next rant shall be on SPOONS and the spoon fed, and those who were born with silver spoons. There is a big difference in one's usage of forks and spoons. And then perhaps I'll delve into knives, and related subjects such as living on the cutting and bleeding edge, the best way to open the shrink wrap around a newly bought CD, and the history of religious wars.
Maybe, it's time to talk about the weather, which pretty much speaks for itself, and leaves little room for propaganda. It's what it is. That's why the Weather Channel is the best channel to watch on TV. Just ask Nik . . . ..And if they get it wrong, so forking what, the weather still happens......no one is going to spend 30 or more million dollars to investigate whether or not someone at the weather channel lies about the weather and whether the weather is sleeping with someone else. And who forking cares? It's no one's business anyway. Like my mother always said, "politics, religion and sex are not acceptable polite conversation." That leaves little to talk about except the weather. And we must watch our "P's and "Q's" .Can anyone tell me: what are Ps and Qs and why we must watch them?
The Little Savage©1999
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